Reliable Disappointment

Under Synapse Fire

Emotion.
He loads his shells into his gun.
He loads his words for everyone
with unappreciated artistry.
Audience.
He looks out at upholstered crowds,
and figures that loitering doubt
tastes good with vacancy.
Discouraged.
There’s no substance to his minor chords,
and all his lyrics can afford
are drunks and apathetic friends; distant relatives.

But still he sketches out his soul in scribbles,
convinced the best mirrors are college ruled.
Synapse fire aimed at legal notepads,
Ammunition built from vocabulary.
Oh, how they’d carry the casualties out of the range of the microphone;
over the radio.

‘Cause he’s heard the radio has a personality
and he says “I could dream bigger with that kind of reach.
Oh, I’d fill 800 square miles of corn and kidney beans,
and if no one’s listening,
at least I won’t be staring at these empty seats”

Oswald's Aim

Watched my blip fall off your radar
Watch you wash me, spinning down the drain
Shot down like Lee Harvey Oswald’s
Trigger finger put him in his place.
Words all jumbled into roadblocks,
Alpha-phonetic bars in a cage

Love: dyslexic, ambivalent
vague, arthritic, sterile, indecisive
incoherent, enigmatic, apprehensive hearts

Smothered in a cardboard box with nowhere but the shelf to call home
Smothered in a silent car by inches that no longer feel like home

“And there you are, needing chiseled like a block of stone.
Yeah, I’m in love with everything you are,”
But it’s only who I might become.

“Doctor, doctor! Give me just another couple years,
Just give me 5 more months to live,
Just give me 3 more days to turn into a man.”
Read it in a fortune cookie, mass produced to say
“You’re like two atoms in a molecule.”
But really she’s a comet screaming past your face.

And that sparkle in your eyes; just a spectator’s gaze
Easy to fill you up when you’re just empty space.

Basketball Album Time!

Well, the first day of assembling this year's album is underway. It's going to blow last year's away. :)

some photos:

And i'm pretty sure this is the cover - i'm doing hardback 10x8 landscape books.

The Whale

Like old Ahab crossing the sea
Aint found no fish yet worthy of me
Hear Jonah’s doorbell ring monologue
Dredge me up soon, been sleeping too long
Been dreaming too long

Take me back to the sea my friends,
My friends back to the sea to see my grave
I saw my grave

And there ain’t no better place for me to sleep.

Oooh. The Whale.

mp3:

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This one is a jumble, It hasnt been through my religious scrutiny & optimization mode. Maybe that makes it more honest. just sort of the words as they happened. As far as meaning... aside from thinking about the saying "there are other fish in sea," I dont have anything. that makes it more like Ocean Eyes, and less like the other songs.. much less about anything concrete, and just the mood of the song is the point. If there is one.

Captain Ahab, Jonah, Whales.

what a thought process

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lots of thinking. lots of speaking. lots of listening. maybe some writing later.

going to watch House with luke, it's his favorite.

Is it a law of the universe that troubled people are the most productive?
Maybe real happiness only works if it's rarely within reach. I hope the world doesnt work that way.

Funny observation: when you matter to someone, being up front with them doesnt offend them. in fact it's beneficial. so then all the worry you build up was without cause. or does the worry make the relief sweeter? anyways. it seems like, once you get your foot in the pool, the apprehension fades pretty quickly. Wasn't much sense in being worried. and folks who care about you welcome being open. and then you learn about them.

i guess things like that sound nice, but then dont really connect until you take the plunge. or get pushed off the diving board - some of us need that.

then there's that moment when all the things pile up in your mind, and you have to decide whether you'll take the opportunity or walk by it again.

you're born with these people around you, and you never know who they are. and then it turns out, you never asked. But my curiosity is piqued.

time to watch House with my brother. he was just saying how he doesnt really like scifi like me and dad do. i didn't know that either.

now he says at least we all like medical dramas

time for hulu

Ocean Eyes

This is an older one of mine.

Now with drums, and bass, and whistling.

guitar was strangely out of tune (as far as a tuner is concerned) when i recorded it and the vocals. so i had to try to get the bass in a matching state of out of tune, it isnt quite on - which grates on me a little. but overall, I'm pretty pleased with myself :)

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Ocean Eyes

VERSE 1
Well the cracks in the sidewalk are staring at me
With the green in the gray that just wants to be free,
Well I know how you feel, if you’re feeling like me
You’re hopeful

Yeah the holes in the plaster are staring me down
Well it starts when you’re nervous, and ends when you drown
See my breath all in bubbles, and floating around
Yeah, I’m hopeful

CHORUS
Well this hook in my lip
Is pulling me in

VERSE 2
With your soul in her pocket, how deep does it go
Tell me are you the rabbit, and is she the hole
Well what starts with a kiss and it ends with broken bones
Bloody nose

BRIDGE
Breathe deep ocean eyes (X3)
Don’t you need to save him?

CHORUS
Well this hook in my lip
Is pulling me in

mp3:

To the Right?

So I bumped into my history prof. Dr. John Reiger (whom I very much respect) today while job hunting at the college. I had invited him to come take a look at my photo exhibition this month at the Northside Library. Upon our chance meeting this afternoon, he asked if this photo presented the commentary that America has shifted its weight far to vigorously to the right during these Bush years. If it was a witty presentation of my beliefs that we've become disparingly unbalanced.

The answer is not originally. It was an aesthetic thing to be certain - I love space.

But the notion has stayed with me the rest of the day, and I believe I'll adopt it - with due credit for my favorite bleeding heart liberal who brought it to my attention.

Underpasses

Had a craving to take some more photos today, the underpass turning off the highway to go to the church caught my eye as I cruised the off-ramp leisurely. So i picked up sawyer and (after a much enjoyed classic double from wendy's) headed that direction.

The last time a something caught my eye for a photo op, I ended up not taking advantage of it. It had to do with snowing rather vigorously and nifty lighting from below. I'm going to do my best not to neglect photos that jump out at me.

It looked so warm today, so outrageously comfortable. But, sunshine is especially deceitful in winter. Thus, my photo adventure today was a toasty 24 degrees or so. Combined with the inherent draftiness of an underpass, and my lack of a coat or gloves. Not to mention my refusal to follow sawyer's advice and roll down my sleeves. Pshh. Stylish beats cozy hands down :P

We found ourselves running to the jeep for some recoup twice, during the first of which my keys jostled themselves off of my clip thing. They had only fled to the pavement near the jeep door though, nothing serious. Each time, I twisted numb fingers into my ignition, then held my hands out in front of the vents as the nerve endings shouted at the top of their lungs. Not that I could even feel if there was air escaping into the cabin or not. At one point, I was considering using a pair of fancy dress socks purchased Friday morning as makeshift gloves. That didn't go down though.

Worth all of the excitement? Most definitely.

And to whom it addresses, I can't even begin to thank you enough (not that I won't try) for helping clear my head and jumpstart my love for life again. Photography being a part and means of making sense out of that life. As for where it's headed,

I'll cross my fingers.

Basketball

DJ + 34

As was pointed out to me after the fact, this photo
holds a particular significance with the 34 on the shot clock behind
DJ. That being the number of John, a dearly missed relative and former
teammate who passed away tragically last winter.